


It Ain't Enough

by tsurai



Category: American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Genre: Angst, Gen, Post-Season/Series 01, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 21:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11883627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsurai/pseuds/tsurai
Summary: For the prompt from@littlexabysson theSadness Appreciation Society Server."You don't know themeaningof the word happy.  Baby, you couldn't be happy if you tried."





	It Ain't Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [little_abyss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_abyss/gifts).



> I haven’t read American Gods in forever so this is taken mostly from the show, directly following the last episode. Title from [“Happy”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eisYJNQjo0c) by Mother Mother.

“I need to speak to my husband.”

Laura watches him turn to look up at her with an expression of pure joy and affection – it’s almost enough to make her heart beat again in that moment – but the expression fades seconds later as he takes her in: the yellow-white skin, dry lips, filmy eyes that give away her status as one of the dead.

They find a room, tucked away in a light airy corner of Easter’s house.

“What do you want, Laura?”

“I need to tell you something…” she trails off, but Shadow watches her silently, still standing by the door. “I came here to ask Easter to bring me back to life, but she couldn’t do it.”

He watches her still, face strangely expressionless. She’s used to seeing so much light and life in his eyes. They’re the only part of him that doesn’t shine now.

“She can’t resurrect someone killed by a god. It was that guy you follow around. Odin. He had me killed, puppy.”

Finally, expression breaks through, his eyebrows crinkling in confusion. There’s a flash of anger that she thinks – hopes – is directed at the asshole with the fake eye. “How do you know?”

“Sweeney told me.”

There’s a moment there, one moment of undirected, unfettered rage and Laura almost sighs in relief, before-

“What do you want, Laura?”

“What? I just told you, Shadow. I want to come back to life, but I can’t because _your boss killed me_!” Her temper frays the longer he stares at her, hands tucked in his pockets and all the anger she prayed for fading back to something far too placid. He doesn’t look away as he pulls a deep breath, lets it out in a long, slow sigh.

“And if he did? What are you going to even do, Laura? Get revenge? Get _him_ to resurrect you? Even if that happens, what then?”

“You…” she gapes, just a little, unsure what to say in the face of his cold questions. “I…want to go back to the way we were, before everything got fucked up. Before I got you sent to jail. I want us to be together and happy again.”

The way he laughs is a bitter, sharp thing. The rushing, pulsing sun she sees around him seems to flicker for a moment, greying out. “Happy? You don’t know the _meaning_ of the word happy.” Those words should be a scoff, but somehow they come out of his mouth achingly sad. “We had that. We had a house and steady jobs and each other but you couldn’t do it. We coulda’ gotten you therapy, or gone to the doctor for your depression, or hell, taken up skydiving lessons for the thrill of it. But you decided to rob the casino and all I wanted was to see you smile for real again.” Shadow walks toward her, shooing away the buzzing flies to put a hand on her cheek. She can’t feel it; goddamn, but she can’t feel anything but the coil of dread in her decaying heart as her husband looks down at her with eyes filled with grief. “Baby, you couldn’t be happy if you tried. You’re dead and I… I already promised to help Wednesday. I don’t think happy is in our cards.”

He leans down, presses a kiss to her forehead that lingers with a heat she only knows intellectually is there. Then Shadow steps back, turns away, and heads to the door.

Laura opens her mouth. “Puppy-” she tries to call, but the word scrapes at her tongue like brittle glass.

Shadow leaves without saying goodbye.


End file.
